If you feel that you, your children or children you are working with are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
If you have urgent welfare concerns about children or young people that need an immediate response, phone the Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub (MASH) on 020 8356 5500.
The MASH team is available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. Outside these hours you should report any concerns that need an immediate response to our emergency duty team on 020 8356 2710.
If you are worried that a child may be suffering, or may be at risk of harm, you should complete a MASH safeguarding referral which you can access via our request for support form.
If you need more professional support beyond these self-help materials, the Multi-Agency Team (MAT) for children aged 0 to 5 and the Family Support Service for children and young people aged 5 to 19 can provide structured support. Parents or professionals can refer for this support through the request for support form.
Conflict and arguments between parents or carers that are together or separated
Some level of arguing and conflict between parents or carers is often a normal part of everyday life. However, there is strong evidence to show that frequent, intense, and poorly resolved arguments can have a significant negative impact on children’s mental health and long-term life chances. Having ongoing arguments with your partner or co-parent (even if you’re no longer in a relationship with them) can also have a serious impact on your own emotional wellbeing because the arguing can make you feel emotionally drained.
Domestic abuse and parental conflict are not the same thing
Domestic abuse is not the same as parental conflict.
Relationships should not make you feel unsafe and you should not be frightened of your partner.
For information about domestic abuse and support provided by Hackney’s Domestic Abuse Intervention Service (DAIS), visit Domestic abuse support. There are also details of other local and national organisations who can help, as well as resources you might find useful if you’re worried about domestic abuse.
Examples of what parental conflict may look like
Parents and carers can express damaging conflict in many ways such as:
shouting and swearing at each other
trying to be the winner in arguments
not trying to sort the arguments out or find solutions
arguing about lots of different things rather than focusing on an individual issue
Common causes of arguments between parents or carers
Anything and everything can cause arguments. Life is stressful and when you are stressed, you’re more likely to argue and struggle to resolve it.
There are lots of different things that cause arguments such as:
money problems
parenting children and family life in general
mental health
illness or caring for someone who is ill
problems with trust in the relationship
drug or alcohol problems
having different views about things
household jobs such as who does the cleaning and cooking
Conflict and arguments can affect children in all types of parental and carer relationships, including:
parents who are in a relationship, whether married or not
parents who have separated or divorced
biological and step parents
other family members playing a parenting role
foster and adoptive parents
LGBTQIA+ couples
The Reducing Parental Conflict programme in Hackney aims to focus on the ways parents behave, rather than the status of the relationship.
Impact of arguments between parents or carers on children
There is lots of evidence that ongoing, frequent and intense arguments can make children feel anxious. Children struggle to understand why arguments between adults happen and it can make them feel as if the arguments are their fault. Children who live with ongoing, destructive conflict can:
do less well at school than their friends
struggle with their emotional well-being and feel more anxious
struggle to sleep properly
develop poor communication and conflict resolution skills
Babies, toddlers, children and young people can be upset and anxious about parent or carer relationships even if they seem ok on the outside.
Even if you think the children can’t hear your arguments, they know that something isn’t right and this can make them feel unsettled.
Our free self help guide for couples struggling with arguments and communication
We have worked with the relationship experts at Amity Relationship Solutions to create some useful self-help support guides to help you communicate better with your partner or co-parent.
Families Need Fathers (FNF) provide support and information to separating or divorced parents who are worried about how their breakup might affect their children.
Services are open to:
mothers
fathers
grandparents
new partners
extended families
Specialist support is available Monday to Friday, between 6pm and 10pm. Outside of these hours, Family Lives takes the calls. Family Lives receive extra training from Families Needs Fathers.